


A Little Less Conversation

by jesuisherve



Category: The Expendables (Movies)
Genre: Fluff, Gay Male Character, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Male Slash, Mindless Fluff, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-24
Updated: 2013-09-24
Packaged: 2017-12-27 13:29:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/979498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesuisherve/pseuds/jesuisherve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gunnar annoys Barney with a song he can't get out of his head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Little Less Conversation

**Author's Note:**

> This was written as a joke for my friend after we saw the video of Dolph Lundgren singing 'A Little Less Conversation'. Youtube it, it's hilarious.

Barney rarely had Gunnar spend the night at his house. It was nothing against him, they were usually too busy, tired, or needed time alone to recover from whatever mission they had completed. They each had their own places to look after as well. Gunnar had a decent apartment on the other side of the city and Barney had a house in a little neighbourhood.

It was nice to have domesticity in their lives. Every so often, if there was a lull in business, the two men would spend time at each other's places. They would train at the gym together, cook, watch the sports network on TV. It was relaxed. It was calm. It wouldn't last for long, not while they were still available to hire, but Barney supposed that's what made the quiet moments special.

One night, Barney and Gunnar were settled on the couch. The TV was on but neither of them were paying attention. Gunnar had an arm wrapped around Barney's shoulders. His thumb traced up and down Barney's neck in a soothing rhythm. Barney's eyes were half-lidded. He was starting to think about going to bed. Then Gunnar started humming. It took Barney a few seconds to clue in on the tune.

"No." He said.

Gunnar stopped. He pulled his arm back to his side and stood languidly. "Want a beer?"

Barney looked up at the tall Swede, momentarily appreciating his long legs and easy strength. "Sure."

Gunnar strode to the kitchen. As he walked out of the TV room Barney could hear him humming again. "Not that goddamn song!" he called.

"A little less conversation, a little more action please," Gunnar sang back. He opened the fridge and grabbed two bottles of beer. "All this aggravation ain't satisfactioning me."

"Fuck!" Barney groaned. Gunnar loved that song for a reason Barney didn't understand. He felt indifferent towards Elvis Presley, he wasn't a fan but he didn't hate the guy. Yet Gunnar had instilled in him a deep hatred for the song "A Little Less Conversation" by singing it all the time.

"A little more bite and a little less bark. A little less fight and a little more spark," Gunnar sauntered back towards where Barney was sitting and held the beer just out of his reach. 

"Don't do this," the smaller man sighed.

"Close your mouth and open up your heart," Gunnar let the beer bottle touch the tips of his friend's fingers before yanking it away, "and baby satisfy me."

Barney held up a clenched fist. "Satisfy this when I punch you in the gut."

The blond laughed at the half-hearted threat. Barney wouldn't actually hurt him. Gunnar rolled his hips in a passable imitation of Elvis' dancing and sat down next to Barney again. "Satisfy me baby and you get a beer."

"I get a beer?" Barney said incredulously. "I bought the goddamn beer!"

"Baby close your eyes and listen to the music, drifting through a summer breeze." Gunnar sang as he opened one of the bottles. He took a sip from it. Ice cold and delicious. "It's a groovy night and I can show you how to use it!"

The black-haired man leaned over and snatched the open beer from Gunnar's hand. He scowled at the Swede and began drinking it. "Come along with me and put your mind at ease, " Gunnar put the unopened beer down and went to give Barney a kiss. 

"Nope." Barney stood and let the other man fall over on the couch. He drank deeply from the bottle as he walked to his bedroom. Gunnar followed behind him, singing still. Gunnar was in a mood, now. He wouldn't stop until he finished the song. 'He probably wants to fuck too,' Barney thought to himself. He closed the bedroom door before Gunnar came in. He refused to let Gunnar into his bed as long as he was singing or humming that goddamn song.

"Okay, I'll stop," Gunnar said through the closed door. "Let me in."

Barney opened it enough to see the tall man peering at him like a puppy dog. "If I hear one more word from that song," he warned, "you're sleeping on the couch."

"Just wanted a little satisfactioning, though."

The door clicked shut.

Gunnar bedded down on the couch for the night. 

In the morning, Barney was the first awake. He always was. He didn't sleep that much. Gunnar could sleep through anything and he snored. Barney padded to the kitchen. He started getting things ready to make breakfast. Gunnar continued to sleep. Barney decided that he wanted a cigarette before he cooked. He walked to the TV room. He had left a pack in there the night before. Gunnar was still sleeping on the couch.

He was stretched out flat on his back, arms crossed over his chest and hands tucked in, legs crossed at the ankles. Gunnar was dead asleep even though the other man took little precaution to be quiet. Barney watched him sleep for awhile before taking a cigarette from the pack and grabbing his lighter. He went to stand on the deck in his backyard and lit the cigarette.

There was no word to describe his and Gunnar's relationship. Barney couldn't label it. They were too old school to say 'boyfriends'. 'Lovers' sounded like something from a terrible book. 'Friends with benefits' didn't fit either, it was like trying to recapture high school. Barney certainly loved the big Swede. It had been a rocky road, with Gunnar lapsing back into drug addiction, them breaking up and Barney eventually having to shoot him in the shoulder. 

That had been one of the hardest things he had ever done. Shooting Gunnar was something Barney prayed he would never have to do again. A sick, twisting feeling had accompanied it the moment Barney touched his gun with the intention to take him out. The worst part was when Barney thought he had killed him. He had kept his outward appearance calm to keep his team under control but on the inside he had been a mess. That had all happened before the two of them had been honest with the team about their relationship.

Now they were open about their relationship. The whole team knew but didn't give them flak. They had all been friends too long to let something as trivial as sex and love change their opinions of Barney and Gunnar.

The back door creaked open. Barney didn't have to look to know that Gunnar had woken up. The other man's arms slipped around his waist from behind and Gunnar hugged Barney tightly. "Morning," he said thickly, nuzzling Barney's neck. 

"Morning," Barney turned his face and finally let Gunnar give him a kiss. 

"Are you making breakfast?" Gunnar asked. He was starving and had seen the pans out on the stove before looking for Barney outside. He rested his cheek on the top of Barney's head. They never got to have tender moments like this. In the field and around the rest of the team it felt too awkward. The rest of The Expendables were incredibly open to their relationship but none of them wanted to see two full grown men acting like an old married couple or horny teenagers. Presently, Gunnar had to restrain himself from taking Barney on the lawn. He was wearing a pair of long black pyjama bottoms and nothing else. Gunnar ran a hand over Barney's muscled stomach and chest.

"Yeah I'll make it." Barney pitched the cigarette butt into the ashtray he kept out back and took the other man's hands to break his hold. Gunnar let him out of his grip and they returned inside.

"Am I in the good books now?" Gunnar asked with a grin. 

Barney gave him a hard look. "Only if you don't sing that song." Then a wry smile split his face. "And if you get over here and satisfy me, baby."

Gunnar gladly complied. He hoisted Barney up so suddenly onto the kitchen table that Barney was glad he hadn't set it yet. The thought fled his mind immediately when Gunnar pressed his mouth to his. The tall blond was well on his way to satisfying Barney and he did it all without uttering a single line from that goddamn song.


End file.
